


the antichrist walks into a nightclub

by horsehead_nebulaa



Category: Good Omens (TV), Lucifer (TV)
Genre: Angst, Crowley Was Raphael Before He Fell (Good Omens), F/F, F/M, Godparents Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), M/M, Mutual Pining, Protective Adam Young (Good Omens), Protective Aziraphale (Good Omens), Snake Crowley (Good Omens), im sorry in advance, lucifer is a mess, maybe?? - Freeform, this fic is a MESS
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-06-24
Updated: 2019-07-13
Packaged: 2020-05-18 18:08:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 6
Words: 7,174
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19339813
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/horsehead_nebulaa/pseuds/horsehead_nebulaa
Summary: Adam wants to explore the wonders of America and ended in the middle of multiple homicides and with a new friend. Crowley and Aziraphale just want to rest and have fun with their new godson and ends up playing wing-man for Crowley's old boss. Linda just wants to relax and ends dealing with Lucifers problems (again). Chloe is confused, and a little hurt. All this while Ella is just enamoured with playing cupid with the strange not-married-but-might-as-well-be couple. Eve is just wondering why the said not-married couple seemed so familiar. And Amenadiel keeps trying to convince Crowley they're brothers.Set during the events of Lucifer & after Good OmensI apologise in advance for this mess-





	1. birthday present

**Author's Note:**

> now quick warning before you read this garbage fire that i haven't fully planned out whats gonna happen. this is mainly just for fun so please don't get mad if i stop or take a long time to update. this is my first fic on ao3 so pls -

"I want to go to America this summer!" Adam spoke with a wide grin as he dropped his bags onto the floor as Aziraphale's bookshop and watched as his two godfathers froze. 

"America?" Crowley sputtered from his spot from the couch, swinging his legs over and stood up. Aziraphale setting his cup of tea down, shifting in his seat. "Why America? That place is dirty, and besides, America is a vast place you need to be more specific like cowboys, cowboys or bright lights."

"Yes, America. You asked me if I wanted anything for my birthday -" Adam watched as the two continue to shift regretfully, "- I've decided I want to go to America, I heard great things about it when Brain went."

"Yes, but Brian went to visit family, dear boy, I can't see what's the point of going then," Aziraphale spoke up, leaning forward and weaving his fingers in his lap. 

"Well, that's why I want to go with you two," The Antichrist pouted lightly and kicking his heel and giving the two celestial beings the biggest puppy eyes he could muster. Dog joined in, whining at his heels as Crowley avoided looking at the boy and Aziraphale looked like got kicked in the gut. 

"Wh - Well, what about your parents! I'm sure they won't be so thrilled about you going to another country without them," Aziraphale tried to reason, practically crumbling under the teenager's gaze. 

"I already talked to them, they said I could go wherever I want with you guys," Adam shrugged, still continuing to kick his feet.

"Going wherever doesssn't mean America!" The demon hissed, waving his arms frantically. "Besides, when I visited America is all 'oooh we're so great with freedom, our stock market is crashing into flames'!" 

"Darling, that's because you visited during the great depression."

"Still!"

"Well, technically they never said I couldn't leave England. Besides, we don't need a plane to travel or anything. I'll be staying with you all Summer, so it's not like they'll know." Adam continued to beg, crossing his arms. "And, again, you said I could have anything I want for my birthday. Why not a small trip?"

The angel glanced over to Crowley with a pinched look, "Well - that is what we said," He grimaced. 

Crowley glared at the angelic bibliophile through his glasses, shifting his gaze between him and the boy. 

"Fine, whatever! But for Hell's sake if we get into any kind of trouble don't say I never warned you two" Crowley grumbled, slouching as Adam perked up and ran over to the two. 

"Thank you!" He quickly hugged the two, Crowley grumbling and Aziraphale cringed but smiled tightly nonetheless. "I'll get the rest of my things!" He called out, giggling as he giddily ascended up the stairs with Dog swift on his heels.

"Oh dear, we're too soft with him," Aziraphale bemoaned as he put his face in his hands.

Crowley sneered, "I mean, best not to upset the Antichrist, I guess?" He shrugged, swiping his glass of whiskey and downing the rest in one go. "C'mon the sooner we leave, the sooner we get back."

* * *

Chloe, despite all her woes, still knew she had a job to do. She understood where Lucifer was coming from, but it still stung that he was most likely going to stop. 

"Oh god, what's happening here?" She strode under the police tape as she stared at the scene before her. Strange chalk markings were strewn all over the floors and walls of the open storage unit, and in the middle of it all hung a woman. The woman was propped up by various horns of goats and deer carcasses which were hammered to the back wall.

"I'm gonna ignore that fact that you're late for the first time in forever and say I know right! Whoever did this was super dedicated," Ella called from where she was taking pictures, the detective trotted beside her. 

"Just - give me the rundown."

"Mariabella Bodilsen. Danish woman, early to mid-twenties. Stabbed multiple times with a bunch of skin-deep scratch marks. There is a high chance she bled out before she was hung up," Ella explained, gesturing to the woman who was now being carefully removed from the makeshift mantel. "But here's the crazy part - well all of it is pretty crazy probably some kinda religious thing - but!" She walked towards the body as the other forensics were gently letting her down into the body bag. The Forensic Scientist lifted the girl's shirt up to reveal her stomach. 

Although it was hard to see through the other messy scratches but from her upper chest to lower abdomen was 'ADAM WILL RISE.', the cutting lined with intense bruising and Chloe recoiled at the stench. Ella tugged the shirt back down and nodded to the man next to her to zip the bag up.

"Adam?"

"Weird right? Not _'Lucifer will rise'_ or _'God will rise'_ or anything like that. Just, Adam." She continued, her voice going down several octaves and waving her arms menacingly. She quickly stopped once she noticed Chloe's unamused glare.

"The owner of the storage lot found the body, said the unit was owned by Bodilsen," Ella continued. 

"Is there anybody in her life named Adam?" Chloe asked.

"Dunno, Dan went back to check through the woman's background history," She put her hands on her hips, and looked back to the detective, scrunching her nose in confusion. "Hey where's Lucifer, I thought he'd love a case like this. Possible Satanists could be a good ego boost or somethin'."

The other woman sighed, "Oh, well - Lucifer is taking a small break from cases, hanging out with his girlfriend or something." She grounded through her teeth. 

Ella recoiled at the sudden change, "Well... you wanna question the storage owner?"

"Yes, Yes, that'd be great." Chloe gave a tight smile as Ella pointed to where the owner was, an elderly woman with red and grey hair wringing her hands worriedly. She nodded and marched towards the woman rigidly. 

Ella pursed his lips and watched as her friend began to introduce herself. She sighed, tucking her notepad into her pocket and pouted to herself. She'd have to talk with Lucifer later about this, but for now, she had a crime scene to evaluate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yikes that was a bad start - oop  
> i might fix this mess later but hey now-


	2. mamma mia we lost the child again

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wow ?? this was received better than i expected ?? thank you all so much for the kudos and comments!! it's all been very encouraging also it is late so im sorry if this is more of a mess oof

"This is the worst idea ever, I hate it this is a horrible place-"

"Crowley please-" 

"-America is a dirty place and Los Angeles no less-"

"Dear please, lower your voice," Aziraphale rested his hand gently on his arm, "You'll make Adam worry." He gestured to the teen who was playing with the ducks and sparrows with a sack of bird seeds, the teenager was practically radiating with delight at the attention. 

The demon, despite his chest fluttering, jeered at the sight, "Seriously we come all the way to America to feed birds, we could've done that at St James."

"Well, there are many different birds in America," Aziraphale tried rationalised, "Like the Caspian Tern, the Forsters Tern, the - uh - Heermann's Gull, the Olympic Gull, the Thay-"

"- Seagull, seagull, tern, seagull, pelican. They're white water dwelling feathery animals. God was certainly creative no?" He scoffed, watching with an eagle eye as their godson as he balanced on the edge of the river bank. 

"Now now, my dear, we came here to have a good time with Adam, and that's what we intend to do. Isn't that right Adam?" Aziraphale called out to the boy without looking away from Crowley, only to get silence in response. "Adam?" He turned to see the boy gone, only dispersed seeds and a cluster of satisfied birds showing that the boy was ever there.

"Oh for somebody's sake - ADAM!" Crowley stood up, causing the birds around them to scatter. Frantically scanning the area for any sign of the boy and his hellhound only to see a deserted lake, he wandering families, dog walkers and joggers but no blonde, blue-eyed Antichrist. 

"Oh dear, he was just there!" Aziraphale wildly gestured to where the boy was once feeding ducks, "What if he was kidnapped by demons, what if Gabriel got to him! Oh god what if Lucifer-"

"Now now angel I'm sure he's just wandered off he's a slippery bugger look-" Crowley firmly grasped the angel's shoulders, "He'll be fine he's the antichrist and has Dog to keep him safe." 

Aziraphale shifted from foot to foot nervously before nodding, trying to put on a determined face, "Alright, you go look through the playground, and I'll look around the lake." 

Crowley nodded lightly patting the other man's shoulder "It'll be fine," he croaked breathily, "He'll be fine." The angel couldn't figure out if he was trying to reassure him or himself, but he could ask before the demon proceeded to bolt in the direction of the playground. 

They'll find him, Aziraphale would tear Los Angeles apart street by street if he had to.

* * *

"I don't see the point of this."

"I don't think you see the point of anything that isn't violence Maze," Trixie pouted as she lowered her phone. She watched as the bounty hunter glowered as she huffed before going back to her game, "Dangit - its all mouth bats and chubby mice again."

"Why do you even play that game, it just makes people go outside," Mazikeen grumbled, plopping herself down on the nearest bench and crossing her arms. Both Chloe and Dan were too busy with their new case; which they wouldn't talk about to her, frustrating but she was told to hang out with the detectives' kid. Not that she was complaining she always liked to spend time with the little gremlin, but Trixie kept wanting to catch weird monsters on her phone, so she dragged her to the park for 'walkies' as the small human would call it. 

"What're you playing?" A boy voiced up behind him, and the two girls spun around to see a boy, taller than Trixie, obviously older than her with a small black and white dog at his heels.

The little girl perked up, "It's called Pokemon Go!" She held up her phone up to the boy, who seemed to light up at the sight of the cartoonish eccentric monster on the screen. 

"That is so cool. My parents wouldn't let me use any phone games, Dad wouldn't allow it, said it would rot my brain or something," the boy gave a slight frown. "Wensleydale is allowed to use the computer, but there's not much internet where I'm from," He shrugged, smiling lightly as he stretched out a hand, "I'm Adam," he gestured down to the small hound, "This is Dog."

"I'm Trixie!" The girl shook his hand heartily, giving a bright smile in return. "I like your dog," she continued, watching as the pup preened at the compliment. "This is Maze ... Maze?" The girl looked up to see Mazikeen; Demon of the Lilim, Daughter of Lilith, the cruellest torturer in hell, Bounty Hunter and Lucifer's right-hand woman, practically quivering in fear in at the scrawny, feeble-looking boy and the gaunt dog in front of them. 

"Are you okay miss?" Adam cocked his head to the side and scrunched his nose in disgust, "You smell funny - like sulphur but also like candy at the same time?" he rubbed the back his neck looking like a confused puppy as he tried to figure out the stench. 

"I don't smell anything..."

"Where's your mom and dad kid?" Maze snapped abruptly, clenching and unclenching her fists as she stirred restlessly from heel to heel.

"Oh, they're back in Tadfield. I'm with my godparents, they're probably worried right now though I don't think they saw me go off," he turned to look past the people, trees and the large lake to the bench his two godfathers were once sitting at to see nobody there, but a pigeon. No custodian looking angel or punkish demon, just a lone pigeon. "Oh no."

"Are your godmum and dad gone?" Trixie followed the boy's gaze to the empty bench, wincing in sympathy. "Well .. My mom works for the police, maybe she'll help you find them? And while waiting, I can show you my cool team!"

Adam thought for a moment before smiling brightly, causing the Lilim Demon to flinch quietly, "Alright, though I think it might be best if I wait for a -"

"No no no no kid; it's okay. Besides you're probably safer with the police. Do you know how dangerous a park in Los Angeles is? Like - crazy dangerous," Maze tried to reason, bending down to the kids level, "Don't you want whoever's taking care of you to worry, right?" She cooed, still keeping her distance. 

He hummed, pondering for another long moment as he fiddled with the hem of his bag and nodded, "So where's the police?"

The demon smirked, trying to maintain her confident demeanour, "Follow us."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dog is a girl apparently so thats pretty rad if she isnt oh well she is now  
> did i make trixie and adam start a friendship over pokemon go ?? maybe  
> also just to plan ahead  
> who wants me to follow the episodes of lucifer with adam, aziraphale and crowley since then maybe i could and stretch out character development or not or maybe make a separate fic about it but i'd like to know ahead of time to plan things so that'd be great!! thanks again for all the love !


	3. living pastry man

Chloe rubbed her eyes as she looked down to the pile of files in front of her, Mariabella Bodilsen was a twenty-six year old librarian who was born in Denmark, moved to England and had immigrated to America only a few months before she died. She worked full time at the nearby library and often worked at night to organise books and keep the janitor company, she'd collect all of the faded books and repaired the covers before giving them away for various charities. Probably the nicest person in LA it somebody hated her it would almost be out of spite or maybe even jealousy. 

"-So I was right about her dying before getting hung up, but this somehow gets even weirder" Ella dumped a pile of papers onto the table causing it to creak under the weight. "So you know how the whole _'Adam will rise'_ carving looked a little weird? Well-" She shuffled some papers, "Apparently the murderer had lined the cuts with black sulphur dye - dunno why maybe they had some kinda aesthetic. But! Apparently, her mouth and throat had also been glued shut. When it was opened, we found her mouth and throat burned violently before being shut."

"What does that mean?" Dan asked as he sifted through the mass of papers.

"That's the thing while cleaning up one of the crew found a gas torch with a company logo on it. A welding company, the bad thing is," Ella gestured to the pile, "There are about 50 buildings in LA belonging to the company, and there are lotta taxidermy stores that specialise in deer and goat mounts."

"And when questioning the storage owner, she said that she's never seen anybody with Bodilsen when she was there at the unit. They didn't talk much unless it was about payment and even she spoke about how nice the woman was when they talked." Chloe murmured, chewing the nail of her thumb as she stared at the mass of papers in front of her.

"You nerds done?" The group turned to see Mazikeen, in all of her demonic, leathery glory, leaning on the door frame with her arms crossed. 

"Maze, I thought you were watching Trixie?" Dan lowered the papers he was looking at and stared at the woman with worried, but sharp eyes clearly saying _'if you lost my damn kid I'll send you back to the hell cave you crawled out of.'_

"Relax, she's at Chloe's desk with her new friend," she jerked a thumb over her shoulder, and the parents followed it to see their girl and a strange blond boy crowded at her desk glued to the girls colourful phone. 

"Aw, he looks nice," Ella cooed, not noticing how the Bounty Hunter pursed his lips and shift uncomfortably. The two detectives did but didn't say anything.

"Who's that? Where are his parents?" Chloe asked, peaking her head out of the room to stare at the boy. 

"Says his name is Adam Young-" She watched as the other three tensed up but continued nonetheless, "He's staying in LA with his family; apparently he accidentally ran off with his dog." Chloe looked down at see a small terrier sitting alert at their feet like a dedicated guard dog. 

Her face pinched with worry and walked over to her desk with Maze and Ella, leaving Dan looking betrayed as he was left with the papers. As she shuffled closer, she could hear what the two kids were talking about.

"What about that dog?"

"That's Houndour, they evolve into - like a demony looking bigger dog? with boney and stuff," Trixie put her phone down and made horns with her fingers, flopping her hands around he head, something that would usually make Chloe swoon internally.

"Oh! so kinda like Dog?" The boy chuckled as he looked down to the mut. 

"That's what you've been saying with every dog looking monster!"

"Well, they're all kinda like Dog to me," he shrugged, smiling smugly, "Isn't that right girl?" The dog looked up and wagged her tail at being called. 

"Excuse me," Chloe tried to sound as soft and kind as possible as she bent down to the boy, "Hi there, I'm Detective Decker."

"Are you Trixie's mum?" The boy smiled, he obviously British, which is not odd, but uncommon. Most British people would touch LA with a ten-foot pole. But there was something else about the boy that made the hairs on her neck stand on edge, it was the same feeling that she felt when Lucifer ... no. She brushed it off as being overprotective and still trying to shake off those events.

"Yes, yes I am. Do you know where your parents might be?" She continued, plucking her notepad from her desk along with a pen from her cup, "I'll send a cop over so they can pick you up." 

"We were at Douglas Park, and I walked off because I thought I saw something, so I went to look," Adam didn't bother to correct her, at this point the other two girls had got mixed up so many times he gave up. 

"Can you describe what they look like?"

Adam thought for a moment, "Zira looks like those friendly librarians you'd get at school after the mean one leaves, like Mrs Honey, but a man. He's very cream coloured like he was meant to be some kind of pastry or something, with a coat the colour of vanilla ice cream, his hair is really white, like old person white. Oh! He also has really shiny boots, like a penny!"

Chloe nodded along to the boys rambling, trying to keep a straight face throughout the childish description. You'd think you'd get used to crazy talk after a while but things like this never really got old for her. "And your mother?" She asked, ready to get another equally ludicrous but friendly sounding description from him.

He paused, even longer than last time, "Well, he-" The detective took a moment to cringe at herself, "- kinda looks like one of those singers that I'd see on my dads old vinyl covers, a lot of black suits and stuff. But his hair is so red it looks like he's on fire! Oh, and he also has these really cool sunglasses that he never takes off, like - ever. You can't even see his eyes if you tried." 

"Your parents sound pretty weird," Trixie mumbled into her arms and Chloe sent her a warning glance. 

"Thank you, I'll send an officer to look for them, it'll be okay," The detective reassured the boy, "Now I'll just be a minute and -"

"DETECTIIIVEEE!! ELLA CALLED AND SAID YOU NEEDED MY FOR A CASE, AND I HAVE ARRived..." A very familiar voice rang through the entire precinct and, literally the last person that Chloe wanted to talk to right now, Lucifer Morningstar, striding through the precinct with confidence that would put a peacock to shame. His spirit only faltering once he made it to her desk as his eyes darted to the blonde boy standing next to her. 

"Oh," Adam's face fell once he saw the man, his dog standing up and softly growing at the grown up. "You." The cold bitterness in his tone made the devil flinch back. 

"Adam, long time no see ... right kid?" Lucifer gave a pursed smile, stepping back from the kid and fiddling with the cuff of his suit. Chloe and Ella had never seen the man so tense and blatantly apprehensive. 

"So ... you two know each other?" Ella finally piped up, crossing her arms and looking between the two, trying to break the sudden tension with her usual cheeriness. 

"I guess you say that," Lucifer joked.

"No, not really," Adam retorted, still glaring at him with every angry fiber in his being. 

Chloe shivered at the amount of impromptu awkwardness, clutching her notepad to her chest as she stood up. "Right, I'll let you two catch up, and I'll send this out," she tapped the notepad and began to walk off. "Ella c'mon."

"But-" 

"We have a case, Ella. Let's go," She kept her voice firm, smiling tightly as she gestured for her to follow.

"Yes, it's okay," Adam reassured, giving a kind smile to the other woman. "Everything will be fine, isn't that right Lucifer?" 

The devil gulped and nodded, "Yes, Maze, Small human, you can go too."

"No-"  
"But!-"

"Now." Lucifer's voice was suddenly forboding as he waved the bounty hunter off. 

"I'll play with you later Trixie, I promise," Adam just smiled comfortingly at the younger girl. 

The two continued to stare, but Trixie was the first to tug Maze away trotting over to the forensics room where Dan was still shuffling through papers. 

A beat of silence followed the pair, "So," Lucifer started, "I see you still have the hellhound I gave you."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> wasting my time trying to figure out what breed Dog was ? justifiable  
> wasting my time trying to find the nearest park with a lake near the LADP on google maps ? not rlly  
> wasting my time trying to see what british people think of LA and just using a buzzfeed post ? i spent way too long procrastinating now


	4. a talk about houndoom

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> crowley, jumping from one problem to another: _parkour_

Lucifer had been having a generally okay day; he and Eve were still going strong and had been even more supportive of his career. She had always made him feel an extraordinary nostalgic ache that made his wings quiver with excitement. And to top it all off, he was able to balance his life and relationship with his job. Everything was going great. 

When he saw his son, who he's technically had only talked to once in the fourteen years of his life, did he realise that life was like a drug trip. Everything is all dandy until it all comes crashing down. 

"So," Lucifer gulped, "I see you still have the hellhound I gave you."

He watched as Adam glared at him and cursed himself for the pitiful small talk attempt. The hellhound, which he assumed would be bigger, maybe a Great Dane or even a Deerhound, not a small, scrappy little thing.

"Her name is Dog," He huffed, strange name, but it made sense why the hound wasn't more devilish. 

"Interesting, what about-"

"Why are you here? Aren't you supposed to be in Hell or something?" Adam asked. Lucifer was taken back by the question, putting his hand on her chest in offence. 

"Well, if you must know I've been on earth for a very long time after the .. uh whole /Armageddon/ ordeal," Lucifer spat at the word like it was a gross fuzzy feeling in his mouth, "So I - uh - kinda live here now, own a nightclub downtown and work here as a consultant for the police."

"So you help the police? Ironic," Adam scoffed lightly, "Anathema told me that America has some of the most corrupt cops, makes sense that you're helping them," he crossed his arms, "But Miss Decker seems nicer that, she seems to be the minority." He quickly added, pouting.

"Right," He turned, hiding his amused smile and ignoring the sharp hurtful pang in his chest "So what are you doing in America, I thought you lived with your They friends in Tadpole Field,"

The boy scrunched his nose with indignation, "Well, I'm visiting America for the Holidays, not like you'd care. It's for a birthday present," he muttered.

The pang in Lucifer's chest grew two sizes larger, maybe it was heartburn. But then again he was the devil he didn't get sick aside from hangovers. "Oh."

"They really were right about you," Adam muttered under his breath, his face twisting into something pitiful before walking back to Trixie, who was sitting outside the Forensics room. Lucifer felt as though his heart was ripping through his lungs and trying to escape his ribcage like a rabid animal. He shouldn't feel upset, he never even saw the boy until the apocalypse. He didn't even see the boy when he was a bouncing demonic baby boy before he was carted away. Adam told him he wasn't his father, that he didn't have the right, and he agreed. A mutual familial break up if you will.

He was close to just going back to Eve, but he needed to prove to Chloe that he was serious with his job now, and no long-lost Antichrist son will ruin that. He'll ride his high until everything crashes and burns.

"So Detectives! whats the case, Ella said you had some kinda worshipper so tell me, little multi-level marketing scheme gone wrong?" Lucifer called as he walked past the two kids and into the room watching with satisfaction as Dan glared over the edge of his papers. 

"Not quite," Chloe slid a file over to him, and he picked it up. He flipped through the record, not bothering to read the personnel file as he brushed over the gruesome bloodied photos of the woman and almost shivered in delight, "We think its some kind of cultist, of what we're not sure." She explained as he continued looking through the file, only to freeze. He stared at the photo in front of him, brushing his fingertip against the scarred photograph.

_ADAM WILL RISE_

He looked over his shoulder to the blond child, watching him stare excitedly at the smaller humans phone, watching a bright yellow rat and a cartoon boy dance across the screen.

Oh. Fucking Hell.

* * *

"ADAM!" Crowley called out as he stumbled past the playground and through the tennis courts, people were beginning to give him odd looks as he raced past them. He continued to desperately run down the sidewalk, slowing as he felt his phone vibrate in his back pocket.

He shifted nervously as he took it out and opened it. 

**ANGEL:** Can't find him, you?  
**ANGEL:** \- Aziraphale 

He was swift to text Aziraphale back. Sweet Lucifer, he was so glad him and Adam had convinced him to get a phone, but he still treated it like sending a telegraph or something it was annoying, he loved it. 

**ME:** Nothing.

Three dots danced around the bottom of the screen.

 **ANGEL:** Oh dear, I'm going to the police station.  
**ANGEL:** \- Aziraphale 

Crowley cursed to himself and shoved his phone in his pocket. Figures, Aziraphale was always a stickler for rules even after rebelling against Gabriel and all that. Nevermind the fact that LA had such a crooked system a slanted photo would call it drastic, it was up there with Richmond and Detroit. It was fine, he could go to the cops and try his best, but he should at least meet him halfway. 

He broke out into a sprint once more and before he could even round the corner before he ran into something so solid he practically bounced off it with a pathetic grunt. He totally didn't crumple to the floor and wheeze, that'd be embarrassing.

"Are you..." A baritone voice trailed off above him. 

Crowley looked up to see a large man in loose joggers clothes stood over him. Oh god, why didn't he smell the angelicness from a miles away. An Angel, not his Angel, his Angel was a lot softer, and warmer than the cold, rock hard chest he just collided with.

"Raph?" The Angel's voice suddenly sounded raspy, like he just killed his dog in front of him. The snake demon scrambled to get up and began to slowly back away. 

"I dunno what 'yer talkin' about mate, maybe I ran into you too hard," He chuckled, mainly out of pure fear as the Angel stared at him desperately at him.

"Raphael wha.. you're alive!" The Angel stumbled forward, looking like he was about to hug him, but Crowley backed away quickly. 

"Listen, man, I dunno who you're talking about you got me confused for someone else," he held his hands up in surrender, purposefully inched closer. 

"Michael said you died in the War on Heaven, nobody saw what happened to you."

"Ha - yeah no," Crowley may not have remembered much of the war, just a lotta clashing spears and screams, didn't want to remember that, very unpleasant. wouldn't recommend. 

"Raph please brother -" The Angel stepped closer, and he managed to hug the demon and bury his head into his shoulder. Crowley squirmed in the strong man's grip, trying to get out normally but the two sturdy logs he would call arms kept him tightly in place. "You don't know how glad I am to see you alive.." He squeezed his arms, and the serpent felt his neck become wet.

"Get. The bloody hell. Off. Me. you _sssssorry_ feathery _ssssssod_ ," Crowley took everything to muster up a very dangerous hiss, satisfied as the Angel let go of him and stared at him in utter shock and confusion. He took that moment to turn and felt the familiar sensation of scaly skin covering his body. 

The Angel took a step back as the giant, dark snake flopped onto the sidewalk. He hissed at him before swiftly slithering over the sidewalk and squeezing into the gutter, falling into the sewer with a gross wet slap. 

Crowley continued to slither away despite how disgusting he felt, listening to the Angel call out for 'Raphael' hopelessly.

What a great start to a summer holiday.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello hello i'd just like to thank everyone for all the kudos and comments, which i'll try to reply to probably in the morning bc wow immmmm, ,,,, , _tiried_


	5. LAPD precinct, celestial hotspot

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> aziraphale makes snake jumpers for crowley change my mind  
> also bc i forgot to say the last chapter this is set after _expire erect_ and around _orgy pants to work_ if yall was specifics but its still vague bc i have a horrid memory

Aziraphale stood in front of the Los Angeles Precinct, shifting nervously as he stared at the thin phone in his hands. Crowley had yet to respond to his message and left him on read. He was about to call him again when he heard someone glass shattering scream behind him. The Angel twirled around to see a woman shrieking at a giant snake slithering out of the storm gutter. He stared wide-eyed for a moment before quickly snapping his fingers. 

Aziraphale now had Crowley wrapped around his arm standing in a deserted road nearby the station surrounded by units. "Now - you better give me a good reason why you're just - prancing around the streets like that or else ... you're in colossal amount trouble, and when we get to the hotel, you'll sit in the corner," He reprimanded nervously, watching as the snake rolled his golden eyes and wriggled out of his grip. 

Within moments the snake had shifted back into the familiar man he'd grown to know. Crowley looked shaken, putting his hands on Aziraphale's shoulders. 

"Angel - there's - Angel, big guy - REAl big dude," Crowley huffed, making vague gestures as he explained, "said I was this guy but mm it's not important I've been mistaken for John Lennon of all people anyway-" 

"Crowley my dear whatever you're talking about it can wait you're being dramatic," he tutted lightly, peeling his hands off his shoulder. 

"No Angel, there was an Angel. Not you Angel - ANGEL," Crowley finally managed to explain, and Aziraphale halted, gaining a look of pure fear. 

"What."

"Yes, an Angel - and from the looks of him, BIG GUY - the bastard hugged me it was weird."

"Well - strange as an angel hugging you may be - we have to find Adam first and then deal with the Angel," Aziraphale continued, shakily patting the demon's chest before grabbing the edge of his sleeve. He proceeded to drag him out of the enclosed path and back to the police station.

* * *

Chloe huffed as she organised the company files of taxidermists into a pile, nearby the murder site and did deer and goats. So far, she managed to get a small, but it was enough for them to follow. On the side, Ella had managed to get a list of friends and family members who lived in LA, which was only a brother and a handful of people. 

"Lucifer," she called out the devil, looking up to see him staring at the wall still clutching the scene photos with nervous hands. "Lucifer?" He quickly snapped out of his daze and threw the file down. 

"Yes Detective?" The man's mouth quirked into his usual smug grin.

"I'm going to go look at a few close relatives, Dan - could you please look through the pile," She glanced to the other Detective who gave her a small nod and wary look to Lucifer before going to the company papers. 

"Yes Detective, now let's get a wiggle on." Lucifer sent a conceited look to Dan as he ushered Chloe out of the room, eyeing Adam who seemed more focused on Trixie. He suddenly paused, lifting his nose and scrunching it in confusion. 

Chloe sighed, crossing her arms "What is it now?"

"Something smells like snake..." He murmured, putting his hand on his chin and humming thoughtfully and zoned out for the second time. 

"CROWLEY! 'ZIRA!!" Adam yelled, running past the two and running towards two very confused and lost looking men. Chloe may not have taken the child's description seriously, but man did they somehow fit perfectly. 

"Crawly..? No," Lucifer whispered, stepping closer to see the serpent demon trying not to fall over with Adam wrapped around his legs. His face twisted into confusion, No - Lord Beelzebub said that he was 'taken care of'. When told he admittedly didn't react well, probably scaring the antenna off the Leader of Hell.

But he was there, scolding the Antichrist loudly for wandering off, the Angel next to him adding him with much softer chidings. Lucifer took a deep breath and marched towards them, ignoring Chloe as she tried to call him back. 

"-Bloody hell Adam you nearly caused this bastard a heart attack," Crowley hissed, kneeling to Adam and tightly gripping his shoulders unaware of the man walking up behind them. 

"Yes, we'll have to have a big talk about this when we get to the hotel room." The Angel agreed, "Do you know how much you made us worry." 

"Sorry," Adam murmured, shoving his hands in his khaki pockets. 

"Oh dear boy, it's fine please just don't do it again, you could've gotten into serious trouble." The Angel quickly reassured, waving his hands as Crowley sent a quick glare in his direction for being soft. 

"And no one would want that," Lucifer added, watching with amusement as the two celestial beings jerked up and turned around to face the devil. The two stood up and stepped back, sharing looks of pure panic and terror. "Long time no see Crawly - last I heard of you were burning in a bath of Holy water!" He joked as he tried to nudge the demon playfully only to get him to scramble back.

"Actual - It's - uh - Actually it's Crowley, my-" Crowley stuttered, practically shaking in his boots, the Angel who seemed less frightened quickly gestured him to be quiet.

"Okay Crowley - may I ask why you're still alive? And hanging out with the Antichrist no less," he gave a strained smile, weaving his hands together 

Adam stepped in front of his godparents, angrier than before. The entire precinct seemed to shudder as he took a step forward, "Why can't you just leave us alone!" 

He leaned back at the child's outburst, "You never talked to me, you never stepped up - ever! You only wanted me to be what you wanted, and now you want to just - hang out on earth for fun! Well, guess what! You'll never fit in here! AND YOU'LL NEVER BE MY FATHER!" Adam continued to yell, ending it with a strangled cry before storming out of the precinct. As the door slammed behind him, the lights flickered violently. 

Lucifer stood frozen, staring at the ground with shock. He barely heard the Angel usher Crowley out to get the boy. He finally looked up as Chloe walked past him and towards the other man. He picked at his hands, staring at the exchange. Pretty sure the high just ended, violently and abruptly.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oof sorry for the lucifer bashing it'll get better adam's just got some misplaced aggression y'all-


	6. infinite handshakes and formerly dead relatives

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i feel like i rushed this ?? but also i took so long to update ??? im sorry pls roast me -  
> and im back on my two split scene bullshit again oop-  
> but also hot dang almost 800 kudos im gonna cry thank yall  
> 

When being told angels and demons existed, Chloe admittedly didn't react well. But luckily with time, she mellowed out and was reasonably calm with the knowledge she now has. But that doesn't mean she was completely comfortable and relaxed with the idea of the supernatural, so if somebody came to her and suddenly turning into a bus-sized serpent or a werewolf, she'd probably scream and shoot.

It was all hard to wrap her head around. If someone were to say that Adam, the sweet little British boy she only met moments ago, who was extremely polite and friendly, was none other than Lucifer's son she'd probably laugh in their face and test to see if they were drunk. 

"Thank you so much for finding him," the soft man broke through her thoughts as she walked closer. He clasped her hands together and bowing his head as he began to shake the detective's hands vigorously. "I can't thank you enough - Adam always tends to run off - as you can see," he eyed the door warily, "I do apologise for his temper though, but what can you do - keeping it down will only let it fester into something uglier." Chloe let the man ramble on for a while longer as he continued to shake her hand absentmindedly. 

"Yes - it's alright, just doing my job, sir. Besides your son and my daughter seemed to like each others company," she smiled, "Detective Chloe Decker."

"Azira, Azira Fell," he smiled, both unaware of the little girl trotting up to the two who were interlocked in an uncomfortably long handshake.

"Mister? Is Adam ok, he looked really mad," Trixie interrupted the locked handshake, Azira let go with a small jump and turned to face the girl.

"Oh, don't worry Missy - he just needs to blow off some steam, I'm sure he'll be back to his regular old self in a few hours," he reassured with a kind smile, waving his hand a hand over his shoulder. 

"Hours?" Trixie bemoaned, crossing her arms and stomping her foot in frustration. 

Azira quickly sputtered some more apologies as Chloe promptly intervened. "How about you go home with Maze and later when Adam calms down, we can organise a playdate," she looked over to the other man, nodding her head for some confirmation. 

"Oh! Yes! I'm sure Adam would love to hang out with you more, he's quite the extrovert," He quickly agreed, watching as the little girl's pout grew. 

"Fine..." Trixie mumbled off, "But he better come back later; he seemed upset," she added, leaning forward and narrowed her eyes with suspicion before skipping off to where Mazikeen was standing. The bounty hunter looked at Azira, a quick look of surprise flashing over her face but quickly glowered at the man. 

Azira paled at the sight, slowly turning back to the detective and cleared his throat. But before he could say anything, Chloe spoke first again, "So you're Adam's stepfather right?"

"Uh - No!" he yelled, putting a hand over his mouth after his sudden outburst, "I - I'm just his godfather." 

"Oh my god - I'm so sorry-"

"Its fine dear you're not the first to think that," he reassured, giving an awkward - yet light-hearted chuckle.

"Right - And Adam actually is..." She trailed off, pointing to Lucifer who was still staring down at the ground in shocked defeat. It was a surreal sight. The man slowly nodded, pursing his lips uncomfortably.

"Can we please talk, in private? I'm sure I can find a private room," Chloe asked tentatively, pointing in the direction of the room. 

Azira took a deep uneasy breath and nodded, "Alright, a quick chat couldn't hurt."

* * *

"How was your jog?" Linda called, not looking up from her book as she heard the door open and close. In the corner of her eye, she watched as Amenadiel collapsed onto the sofa and hugged a decorative pillow with a look of utter despair. 

"Fine ... fine - I ran into my brother," he scrunched his face with confusion. 

She lowered her book and raised an eyebrow, "You met up with Lucifer all the time. What's so different with running into him? Oh - was he doing a weird sex thing?"

"No no - It wasn't Lucy," he shook his head, playing with the tassels of the pillow as he hugged it closer. "I ran into Raph..."

Linda glanced up with surprise, almost dropping her novel, "Raph? Raphael? As in the Arkangel Raphael? One of the main guys, right? Like up with you and Lucifer kind of important," she waved her hands around frantically, slowly looking panicked. 

Amenadiel nodded, "Yeah, him. I thought he was dead," he croaked. 

"Wait, what?" She folded a dog ear into her book and threw it on the coffee table, fixing her glasses and waving her hands on her lap, leaning over to put a comforting hand on his knee, "What happened?"

The angel took a deep breath, "We were fighting against the rebelled angels and Lucy. Michael led the charge but Raphael - Raphael was always reckless -" He chuckled bitterly, "Raph flew out of my sight, he was supposed to stay at the sidelines and help the injured soldiers," he took a shuddering breath, "After the fight was over and Michael had cast out all the rebelled angels, almost a third of Heaven had fallen to Hell. I tried looking for him after but I ran into Michael and Gabriel instead, they - they told me that he had perished in the fight." 

"Oh my god..." Linda murmured, sitting in an solemn silence as he picked the lint of couch and bounced his leg. She softly continued "And you found out that was wrong?"

"I don't know why they would've lied about it," Amenadiel spat, curling his lips into a snappy snarl. "He looked so scared of me; he didn't even remember who I was. He hissed at me and called me a sorry feathery sod," he explained incredulously, waving his hands up in complete confusion before deflating into the pillow with gloom.

She slowly nodded, "I see... Wait - _hissed?_ "

 _"Like a snake,"_ he confirmed, looking just as confused as the mortal woman. "And then he turned into a snake and escaped in the gutter." 

Linda sat there for a moment, contemplating for a long while, "I think you should ask your brother about it." She warily answered, patting his knee, too tired from work to fully play therapist at home.

Amenadiel perked up, standing up and carelessly throwing the pillow back onto the couch. "Yeah - yeah that's a good idea," he smiled, quickly pecking her on the forehead, quickly disappearing upstairs as he flicked open his phone. 

Linda sighed, going back to her book with an uneasy smile, but quickly dropped it onto her lap, "Wait did you say he turned _into_ a snake?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> linda never asked to be involved with extended family can we get an F in the chat  
> 

**Author's Note:**

>  ~~yikes that was a bad start - oop~~  
>  i might fix this mess later but hey now-


End file.
